Extraordinary Machine

I don’t even know where to start.  The labor/birthing process was amazing.  If I had to do it all over again, I would.  It was kind of storybook, when I wake my husband up at 2:00am with the “honey, it’s time” statement.  Granted, we knew it was time… we had already been to the hospital earlier that day.  I was having contractions that whole day, growing greater in strength.  It was painful, but made me very quiet and focused with each one.  At the hospital, I braved it out for 4 more hours until I decided to get the epidural.  Yeah, such a lifesaver (but painful to receive).  There were many moments, like my epidural wearing off, yelling at my mom and mother-in-law and having lots of tubes sticking out of you.  Then there was 45 minutes of pushing, watching my husband as he saw her hair, then her face… being able to reach down and actually pull out my baby onto my chest.  That is The Most Amazing Thing In My Life.  Ever. 

Having her didn’t feel real until the first night, in the dark quiet of the hospital room - B sleeping on his pull out bed - she was laying in the bed with me and we were staring at each other.  I spoke to her softly, saying all the things I wanted to finally say to her and her big blue eyes just looked right into my eyes, like she was like, “there you are”.  Oh, it makes me misty just thinking about it.

The first month is a blur.  Being home, getting zero sleep, getting the hang of nursing (don’t be fooled, it hurt like a mother the first few weeks - I was very close to giving up a few times) - all of it was like a dream.  I am so thankful B was between jobs so he was able to be home with me for the first three weeks.  Really, it couldn’t have worked out better.  He was really the only person I wanted around for any length of time, as postpardom emotions were extreme and I, well, I cried a lot.  I spent a lot of phone time with friends and family members who are new moms who helped so much.  I’ll always be thankful for that.

Now… well, now it’s nothing short of fantastic.  I ended up quitting my job, I couldn’t bear working as much as I did and leaving her with someone else.  I asked to go part time, that wasn’t possible so I gladly cleaned out my desk and turned in my laptop.  My life is so different now, a very different pace.  But I’m loving it.  Baby Z is so adorable and sweet.  She’s changing so much, right now she’s playing on her activity mat, grabbing the animals above her while babbling and yelling at them.  Wonder Pets is on the television (so freaking cute). No matter what kind of day I’m having, her smile makes everything better.  I love our routine, our naps, bathtime, playing, singing songs, stroller walks… everything.  When she puts her little arms on me, head on my shoulder, gives me her “kisses” or we’re in a quiet room nursing… I feel fufilled.  Like she was the missing piece.

There’s a couple hmmm… downpoints?  I can’t really call them that.  Things are very different.  Socially, things are totally different.  If we do something, its visiting the grandparents (who are constantly calling for visits) or with other parents.  It’s just easier, because things are tamer and nights end earlier.  For example, we ended up dis-inviting some friends over last night after we realized how not fun it would be to watch the Wings quietly, with a sleeping baby around.  She comes first, always.  I don’t leave her longer than between feedings, and really I don’t want to.  We plan on taking our first real evening away on our anniversary, a little over a month away.   Even then it will probably just be dinner because we’ll miss her too much.  Everything is slightly more difficult and takes longer.  I get discouraged because the baby weight isn’t coming off as quickly as I thought.  These last 10-15 pounds just want to stay put.  Frusterating!!  Adjusting to missing my income has been… difficult.  But we’re managing.  Plus GAS is so freaking much I’ve taken to running errands in clumps to conserve the best I can.  So we stay home a lot.

Watching B with her is awesome.  His eyes light up, his smile is so genuine.  He plays her guitar and shows her plants and flowers.  He proudly wears her in the baby bjorn, changes diapers and carries her around the back of the KH without a bat of an eye.  We are loving every minute and the best part is that we know this is just the beginning.  She is getting so big already.  She wants everything I have, my phone, a spoon, my water anything. Everything goes in her mouth.  She laughs.  There is SO MUCH to look forward to. 

Now, today, we’re probably going to buy a kiddie pool to survive the hot weekend.  She’s in a onesie, her chubby soft arms and legs expsosed.  She’s now on my lap, playing with the spoon from my cereal.  Jason Mraz is playing on the laptop.  Now excuse me, we have to dance now.

Goodness no wonder I rarely write in here… I can never remember my password so I have to go through the process of finding it in the recesses of my e-mail or request a new one.  Enough of a pain to make me not do it.

So what’s the big thing going on in my life?  The baby.  It’s all about getting ready for baby.  I’m 22 days away from my due date.   My belly is big and round.  Most of the time I’ll sit and stare at my stomach for extended periods of time, watching her squirm around under my skin.  That’s what she does now, squirm, with occasional kicks in my side.  I stand in front of a mirror and look at my naked self a lot.  It’s amazing to see how everything changes.  When I fall asleep B curls up behind me and puts his hand on my belly.  She always responds and I love to watch his reaction.  Such the proud papa, he is.  Tomorrow she’ll be officially full term.  This makes me so happy and relieved.

But I’m all ready.  Pretty much.  Her room is all set, I just love to stand in the middle of it and soak up its adorableness.  The hospital bag is 99% packed.  I’ll be finishing it up over the next few days so it can be put by the door, or in my car.  B has been tasked with installing the car seat base, so we don’t have to fuss with it later (like, when we’re bringing her home).  I’m working on my birth plan.  I see the doctor every week now, they measure me and say I’m right on track and the baby’s heartbeat is perfect.  They go over again what I need to look for, when I need to head to the hospital, etc.  Hearing it come from their mouths makes it even more real.  Because, well, they are the doctors.  Next week they start checking to see how I’m dialating.  Me!  Dialating!  Me! (Can you tell I’m still in disbelief about the whole thing?)

Some of my friends who are already mom’s like to call me up and ask me things only they could (”Sooo…. lost your mucus plug yet?”) and I’m not embarrassed to discuss things in relatively graphic detail so it’s good I can have these conversations because I want to know.  I want to know everything about this whole process.  I’m like a sponge.

Work is almost done.  I have the rest of this week then we’re off for shutdown until January 2.  I’ve negotiated to work at home Jan 2-4 then “officially” start my maternity leave.  I’m so excited for this.  Because with all the amazing blissfullness and excitement I’m feeling… well, I’m also feeling like a 9+ month pregnant chica.  I can’t sleep - I’m up every hour and a half to pee and switch positions because I’ll be super sore.  I can’t get out of bed, off the couch or even put on my socks and shoes without assistance.  I can only fit into one pair of pants (jammies don’t count) and two skirts.  I get heartburn now.  Sometimes the baby makes a very strong movement and it hurts.  Whenever I get up from a sitting position there is insane pressure.  My feet, ankles and calves have started to swell and retain water so they are a mixture of sore and weird looking.  I can’t wear my wedding rings anymore.  So, I cannot wait for the day when all I have to worry about is just waiting for the baby to come.  Not much longer now.  I’ll watch movies all day, work on my thank-you’s and maybe even do a little knitting.  How lovely!!

I have not started experiencing Braxton-Hicks contractions yet.  I’m guessing those will be coming in the next week or so.  My doc said some women never experience them.   That will probably be me.  I am convinced I’ll be overdue too.  I know two girls who were due within a month or so before me, and three who are due withing a few months after me.  The two before me have already had their babies!!  That means I’m next.  I am next to have my baby.  To do labor, and all that.  Weird.

So, with all the free time I’ll have (yeah right) after the baby comes home I’d like to write a little more.  Or maybe when I’m sitting at home waiting for her to decide to come out.  This is the most important thing in my life, ever and I’ve been bad about documenting it.

A baby!

Tonight I will e-mail my final exam to my professor and will be all done with Russian History.  Whew!!  I thought taking a class while prego would be rough.  It really wasn’t, it was a pain because my brain was not in “student mode” the entire semester.  During my various stints as a full-time student, it was much easier to handle because it was my life.  My brain was programmed to spend lots and lots of time studying, completing assignments and attending classes.   It’s a lot harder now.  A lot.

Hi.

I’m at home, sick with a cold.  Or an “upper respitory infection” as the doctor called it yesterday.  Is that doctor lingo for a bad cold?  I don’t know.   All I know is that I’m home and I’m immersed in TLC and I’m loving it.  Why work, right?

It’s weird to think that in a mere 3 months I’ll be home again.  With a much different task at hand then just making a new home on the couch.  3 months, at the most.  Wow.  Next weekend I’ll start the third trimester.  The last one!  I have my next doctors appointment in a week and then I go every other week to keep track of my progress.  It’s weird, because for so long we were just getting adjusted to the fact that I was different and that eventually we were going to have another person with us.  Now, we’re SO excited for her to get here.  Her room is painted, this weekend we’ll probably move the furniture upstairs and put together her crib!

I have a lot of dreams about going into labor now.  Wondering what it’s going to be like.  If I’ll go full term, or I’ll go early.  If there will be problems, if I’ll need to be induced.  If she’ll be a normal vaginal delivery or if I’ll have a C-section.  You never know what will happen.  I’m trying to be prepared for anything.  I have an idea of when I’ll start my maternity leave, thankfully the weeks prior are the slowest times of the year (work-wise) so if anything does happen early it won’t be a big deal.  But I’m hoping she waits until my final exam is over, 2 days before I reach full-term (37 weeks).  Yikes.

Right now I’m feeling pretty good, except this cold I have.  I don’t push myself.  Everyday life like working, school, meetings/service and general housework and errands are about as much as I can handle right now.  I spend most of my downtime at home.  Call it the “nesting instinct” or whatever but I love my house and being home so I’m not minding it so much.  My belly is starting to become a bit cumbersome.  Things like rolling over in bed, or getting up off the couch require a bit more effort than before.  I guess I’ve “popped” and am protruding more than ever.  I get occasional growing aches and pains, but otherwise it’s okay.  I can’t walk too long without feeling pressure and that’s pretty uncomfortable.  The doctor told me it’s just my body telling me to take it easy.  So short walks and walking around my work building (which is quite a walk) is about all the excercise I’m getting.  I do little stretches here and there too.  She’s active, kicking all the time.  It’s pretty awesome - that’s the best way I can describe it.

We’re working on names.  We have a couple we like, nothing concrete for sure.  But either case, we’re keeping her name quiet until she’s born.  It’s a hard decision, and we want it to be a decision that we make.  That’s one thing, the constant “advice” from everyone.  I know it’s just going to get worse too.

Oh, yeah.  I turned 30 on Sunday.  Wow, okay I’m thirty-something now.   But to be honest, it was a good decade.  My early twenties were a lot of fun.  I was single and living on my own, supporting myself and really had no responsibilities other than taking care of my self.    My mid-twenties I met and dated Barry.  My late twenties I married and settled down.  I can honestly say I’m ready for this.  It just seems like the next logical step.  We have so much fun together and we can’t wait to grow our family and go on this crazy ride of parenthood together.  Yay.

Baby baby The ultrasound last week revealed a baby girl. GIRL! I look at the ultrasound pictures and see her little profile and nose and lips and my heart starts filling up and hurting at the same time. Ahh - this love for something you haven’t even met. It’s unreal. I feel her little kicks and prods daily and I love it. I crave it actually, look forward to feeling her presence, letting me know she’s there.

I’m not the greatest at keeping up with this thing these days. Really, my life has revolved around being pregnant and the house. So, in no particular order… is a “Top 20″ of little factoids. I realize this is kind of a lame way to update, but I guess I have a lot to say and neither the time nor the patience to elaborate on each:

So….I’m pregnant. 16 weeks - due January 10. We found out 2 days before we moved into our house. May 3rd, to be exact.

• Last week my department moved to another part of our building.  I managed to procure a highly coveted window cube (no idea how that happened!) so now I can stare out our 2nd story window, looking into trees.  Looking at birds and squirrels running about, and hoping for a good thunderstorm to watch.
• That’s the good thing, bad thing is I sit right next to my boss.  So my goofing-off time has been kept to a minimum.
• The house work hasn’t been happening as quickly as I was hoping.  Randomness, yardwork, relatives visiting, trips to visit friends, and babies being born are delaying our weekends filled with scraping, cleaning and wallpaper removal.  Which is good because I haven’t decided on paint colors for anything yet.
• Our assembly is next weekend already.  Next weekend!
• My summer will be relatively tame.  I have a family camping trip planned in August, a friends camping trip over Labor Day… and that’s it.  Which is okay, because I have barely any vacation time left and any extra money needs to be put into the house.
• I’ve become obsessed with gas prices.
• My cat is sick.  The stress from the move made him stop eating and now he’s got himself in a bad cycle.  He went to the vet yesterday and a lot of time, patience and persistence is required on our part to get him back healthy.  This requires holding him down and putting a syringe of baby food in his mouth a few times a day to force him to start eating again.
• Our 2-year wedding anniversary is exactly 3 weeks from today.  I can’t belive it’s been two years already.  Since we’ve already given ourselves a pretty nice present, we decided just going out for a nice dinner will be gift enough for both of us.  I’ve always wanted to try The Melting Pot, so that’s where we are going.  Yay.

My grandpa passed away on Saturday, May 26.  Sister called me the day before, just as we were leaving to head to TN for the long weekend.  Plans changed and we drove to the hospital.  I sat at his bedside and held his hand.  He’d open his eyes every once and awhile, I hope he knew we were there.   He died Saturday morning, as we were driving back to the hospital.  B brought his guitar, because he had promised to play for him and he wanted to make good on that promise.  It stayed in the back seat.

The next three days dragged as sadness and uncomfortable situations abounded.  I never had to take part in worldly funerals before, it was just non-stop sadness.  We spent all Monday at the viewing, dressed in black and making small talk.  I’m not close to this side, especially since my parents split.  I hadn’t seen any of them (including my father) since my wedding almost two years ago.  Except my grandparents, I tried to see them as much as I could.  But not nearly as much as I should have.  Tuesday was the funeral, being baptist and a veteran there were ceremonies and hymns and I just made myself numb through all of it.  Wednesday I needed a day to decompress.  I took a long bike ride and sat watching ducks along a river. 

The last few months have been full of life-altering events.  June was looking to be busy but cancelled events and rescheduled quickbuilds are freeing up weekends, thankfully.  I need to work on my house and spend some afternoons falling asleep in a lounge chair.  If I could purchase a drama-free summer, I certainly wwould.  No matter what the cost.

Our kitchen faucet is leaky.  A slight leak, the kind where you twist the handle all sorts of ways… waiting for the drips to stop.  On Sunday B installed our PUR water filter - the kind that connects right to the faucet.  The leak kept on dripping, and no amount of twisting would make it stop.

So he takes apart the faucet and starts messing around with the drains underneath.  I’m busy watering my freshly planted Impatient’s and hanging baskets, and installing my new bird-feeder.  I keep coming inside to see how he’s doing, trying to not get in the way.  After a little while, it’s decided the faucet needs a new washer.  We bring the laptop into the kitchen and look up the part, which costs $15.

I do not like the faucet.  It’s old - the kind you would find in your grandma’s house (and be sort of grossed out to touch).  I stated my plea for just purchasing a new faucet.  Why not spend the extra $15 and get a nice, new, non-gross one?  B quickly agreed and we decided to pick out a new one the next day.  While trying to re-assemble the old faucet the drips kept coming and could not be stopped.  It was like the faucet was on.  Attempts to shut off just the kitchen sink werenot working (old house: character: A+++.  Random things not working properly: C-) so the water to the house had to be turned off.  This, of couse, made simple tasks like going to the bathroom and washing your hands not so simple.

Yesterday after work we went to Home Depot.  Now, all I wanted was a new faucet.  I didn’t care if it was the least expensive, apartment grade, plain old faucet.  It was better than what we had.  So we picked out the cheapy one for $37 (to my surprise the cheapest was close to $40).  B started talking to an employee about random other things he needs.  We head over to check-out when the HD guy yells to us, “Hey, did you look at the clearance rack?”.  So we take a look.  There we see a beautiful Moen faucet - originally $119 marked down to $79.99.  Great deal, but not in our price range.  Then the HD guy tells us, “I can give this to you for $39 - I just need a manager to sign off”. 

Woot!  Does everyone know about this?  This new-found knowledge that you can haggle the clearance stuff at HD opens up a whole new world.  That will always be where I first look from now on.

Soooo.  We arrive home with our beautiful new faucet.  B starts working on installing it while I sit nearby and take pictures of him (what help I am).  Finally I settle in the living room folding laundry while asking every 10 minutes if he needs help.  He has to make another trip to HD to get some longer hoses (or whatever they’re called) - I watch Heroes. 

It’s installed, and it looks awesome.  We turn the water on to the house and everything starts working great…. until we see a drip from a drain pipe below the sink.  Perfect.  More working leads to deciding something else needs to be bought.  The water is turned back off and the dishwasher remains overflowed with dirty dishes.

This morning, while carpooling to work, we joked about our plumbing adventures.  We’re learning a lot.  And it’s not costing nearly as much as if we hired a plumber.  Well, we don’t need a plumber yet.

So we are officially moved in.  We have been for about a week now.  There are still boxes, and I think there will be boxes for a little longer.  Partly because we still need to purchase some items and mostly because I just want to do it on the weekend.  Weeknights when I get home from work all I want to do is sit outside and read a mag while B is grilling.  It can wait. 

This weekend is the Flower Fair in my little neighborhood.  I’m excited because we’ll walk there and pick out flats of flowers and hanging baskets and then plant and weed the flower beds.  This makes me so excited.

Some of my family came up over the past weekend to see our house.  My aunt, who was one of the heavy nay-sayers for me moving “way up there” (ahem… all a matter of perspective) absolutely fell in love with my neighborhood and is now perusing Realtor.com in search of a home.  Am I grinning with smug satisfaction?  Of course I am.

As we were driving to the KH last night the sky was getting dark.  Like, scary dark.  I said to B, “I hope we get an awesome thunderstorm while we’re at meeting.  That would be cool.”  And we did.  Crazy awesome rain, thunder, lightening, even a little hail.  The power flickered on and off then finally went off completely.  The bros did an extremely shortening version of the rest of the meeting (by flashlight) and then we left.  It was pretty exciting.